The Truth is…

I go through many nights sitting here in my apartment wondering what is going on in the outside world.   I am 36 you would think that I have many friends.  As a matter of fact I know a lot of people, I mean probably more than I can even think about.  A quick survey shows that I have (according to Facebook) 467 friends.  As I scan through my texts and recent calls…the overwhelming number of people who I talk to the most, my mom, my sister, business partner, and my boss and the employees whom I manage.  The thing that hit me as I was laying in a bunk bed at Eufala over the Labor Day weekend, is I don’t really have any close friends anymore.  It’s difficult to form new friendships at this point since I am single, a cynic, and really after spending time served in the media don’t like most people.  I have found that people will always let you down.  After being single for almost a year I have run the complete gamut of emotions, happiness, sadness, extreme depression, anger, loneliness (which is the absolute worst), joy, and confusion.  That’s a lot to deal with.  I know that if it hadn’t been for a few people along the way none of whom I am related to, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed each morning.

The truth is over the last 10 months I have poured more of me into friendship that had zero yield.  There was NO ROI.  I financially supported people (when I was struggling financially )  who didn’t appreciate it. I would emotionally support people because it was the right thing to do.  That is what my parents raised me to do…give of myself.   The truth is I have given so much I have nothing left to give.  People will still call and I will find it in me to do what I can and mostly that just involves listening.  Despite my malcontent for people I still meet new people daily and work on trying to locate some good in people.  It’s becoming more and more difficult to identify anything good in anyone anymore because of the walls that people are putting up to keep from getting hurt.  Trust me if there one thing I know about it’s getting hurt.

The truth is people aren’t ready to have real friendships.  People want to exist in this world where truth is rose colored and only meets certain criteria to be heard.  The truth is becoming very hard to find these days.  There is one truth that is constant, and that is God’s love for me.

The truth is people don’t know what real friendship is until it has passed them by and it’s gone possibly forever.  It’s difficult to be where I am…and it sucks but somewhere there is a freakin purpose for all of this nonsense that I am going through.  I am reminded of Job who lost everything.  Fortunately I have children still!  For the record I have no cattle or other livestock, I did lose my dog but that’s another post.

The truth is, there is a purpose for my life and I have no idea what it is.  So tomorrow I will get out of bed, put my feet on the ground and see what happens.

The truth is I don’t know.

The truth is God puts people in your life for a season and a reason.  Sometimes the season changes.  The reason never does.  Thank you God for my seasonal and my reasonal friends.

Yeah I made up a word, get over it.  🙂


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